We have been together for as long as I can remember. We have shared life together. I remember you. I remember everything about you; how you look, how you feel, your fragrance, how you taste. I remember everything. I remember our moments together. How you held me so close in your arms and you never let me go. How i snuggled even closer, sticking to you like glue. We became inseperable. It was you and i againt the world. How I felt so secure in your embrace. You became the very air i breathe. I lived in you, with you, through you, by you. I saw the world through your own eyes. I lived my life with you always by my side. I trusted you with all of me. Oh! How I believed every word you said to me. I shared everything with you, my secrets, my dreams, my goals, my aspirations..even the things I shared with no one else.
Every word you said to me became my truth. You became my reality. You became an integral part of me, I held you in my heart and lived with you in my heart everyday. You became my addiction.
fear! my lover for so long.
You began to set my life the way you wanted it. You began to set boundaries and limits for me. You told me where to go and even when to go there. You told me what to say. You told me what to do and what never to try doing.
You became controlling. you started to control everything in my life but told me it was all for my good and that you were only looking out for me, that you didn’t want me to meet with rejection because he was cruel, you didn’t want me to have an encounter with failure or his brother, disappointment and I believed you.
Oh! Fear! how you decieved me!
You shattered me with your words and broke me into pieces.
Ours was a parasitic relationship where you abused me and tortured me into subjection with your words but I refused to see just how broken I had become.
You told me my dreams were not valid and I believed you..I mean how could I, a nobody, achieve such a great feat. You told me that I was only going to face humiliation as a result of failure and disappointments and I believed you because i thought you were trying to save me from the misery of failure and i stayed right there with you. I refused to let myself dream anymore because you told that was all it was ever going to be.. a dream.
Then I met someone. I met grace. I couldn’t understand anything he was saying because he sounded too good to be true. I told him my heart was taken and there was no space in it for him. I pushed him away. He did everything good but I kept throwing him out. You had taken everything from me, my hopes, my dreams and I was broken, so broken that I couldn’t see just what was right in front of me. I told him I had nothing but he kept on pushing. He never got tired of chasing me. He even told me he loved me and that he wanted me just how I was. It was so hard to walk away from you but i knew our time together was over. I knew i needed to walk away so that i could give grace a chance because that was all he kept asking me for. A chance. Just one chance. He introduced me to hope. I began to hope again. He introduced me to faith. I began to dream again, I started to believe again. So i decided to take my chance on grace. He became my confidence. He restored my esteem and told me the things you never told me. You never told me failure was good for me, that every great man knows failure because failure is just one side of the coin and that I only needed to continue and try again but Grace did. He is everything that you can never be and I’m learning to open up my heart to him everyday.
I’ve not achieved all those dreams I told you about but I’m not where I used to be because I have taken steps.. steps I couldn’t take with you. You still pop up in my mind from time to time but I have learnt that you are only as powerful as I allow you to be. So I am taking all that power back as you are not worth it. I’m better, I’m wiser, I’m stronger and I have found love in the arms of another.
goodbye fear because now I am Creating Memories With Grace.